"And the days go by ..."

My idealistic and career focused 20-year-old self would have been in disbelief knowing that at thirty-one I would be living in a tiny town in Idaho, married, and have the most beautiful little girl in the entire world. My life focus has drastically changed since I was 20, when my concerns revolved around finding the perfect major to help launch me into a successful high-paying career, traveling abroad to experience and digest all the world has to offer, and of course, figuring out what bars had free cover and best "ladies night" specials.  When I would think about my future back then, I probably figured I would be traveling the world as a photojournalist or running a non-profit in a third world country. I'm sure I would have sprinkled an amazing husband and a kid or two into the picture, but it just seemed so far away and intangible.

Well, yesterday, I turned thirty-one and today little Cora turned 3-months old. Although my only trips in these last three months consisted of driving to Boise and Twin Falls (oh and numerous trips to Alberstson's), and although I am not traveling the world as a fancy journalist or non-profit executive, I have had some of the happiest days of my life as a mom and a wife these last few months.

I have to return to work on Monday, and have mixed emotions. While I've NEVER before wanted to be a stay at home mother, the idea now sounds like heaven. These precious days revolving solely around feeding, pumping, changing and playing with little Cora have been indescribably amazing and I am so sad they are melting away so quickly. I also feel like I'm FINALLY not constantly worried that she isn't eating enough, or that her machine will siren because she stops breathing and it's so nice to just relax and play with her and enjoy her now. I also feel more comfortable about dealing with her cleft palate issues which is great. Of course, all of this is finally happening when it's time to go back to work ...
 

Thank goodness though- Nat's parents will be watching her for a while and I will only be in the office three days a week to start, which I know is the most ideal situation I could possibly ask for. I feel so lucky and fortunate, but I know it will still be a little tough. But I do really enjoy my job and love the people I work with, and, if I didn't go back, I know I would be letting my 20-year-old "I can conquer anything" self down.  So, I better suck it up and go back to work. Hopefully I won't be a total wreck next week ....

On a happier note- here are some fun photos from this week!